Hi! My name is Tobe and I’m addicted to school supplies!

When August rolls around, I get little butterflies in my stomach.  Back-to-school season has started.  Store ads will start to announce the new fashions, bookbags, etc.  Staples or Office Depot will have the now famous $.01 deals.  I will scour the ads for the best deals.   I will wake up early to catch those penny deals before they sell out.  I have even gone so far as to ask the store manager when the next shipment will be.  I enlist my children to buy supplies with some of my money to get around those pesky purchase limits.  I linger over the new folder and binder styles, trying to decide if I am a girly girl or a punk rocker.  I buy my limits, walking out of the door with a new spring in my step, a smile on my face.

This year, I am not a student or a teacher.  I don’t particularly need school supplies.  I have a glut of leftover supplies from 20+ years of schooling.  I could just reach in the random tub and pick out a notebook.  But I don’t want leftovers, I want new and crisp.  So again I found myself scouring the ads, looking for the deals.  I did restrain myself to just buying supplies for my children using the school supply list.

As I discussed my addiction with my equally addicted friend, I came to a realization… It’s not just the school physical objects that get me excited.  It’s a less tangible thing.  To me, new school supplies signal a new beginning.  The start of a new school year.  A clean slate.  I know that soon, I will either start a class myself or start teaching a class.  I will get a syllabus detailing all the assignments/topics/expectations.  I will either give that motivational speech to do your best or receive one.  I get to start over, fresh and clean, ready for a new adventure in education.

I’ve come to the realization that I will forever be a student.  It’s my true calling.  I love learning. I love sitting in a classroom, listening to a professor or other students sharing information or opinions.  I want to have those nerdy debates over a theory or a technicality.  I want to discuss the motivations of historical figures or debate allegories in literature.  I want to get that feeling of conquering some difficult problem.  I want to come home and have someone ask me “What did you learn in school today?”  I want  to share my day, all the nuances of language or theory, the silly questions asked by other students, the A I got on that paper that I only worked on for 2 hours.  I want to physically feel my brain wrinkle.

So while I love that first spine cracking sound of opening a new composition book, it’s the underlying promise of something more that I am truly addicted to.  I don’t think there is a cure for this addiction, but I don’t think I want there to be.

In January, the parents, students, and staff of my school found out that we basically had no money to operate.  After an agonizing meeting, it was decided that we would try and continue til June.  The teachers went a month without pay before it was caught up.  It was a tough battle both for money to operate and for motivation of teachers and students.  Some of the teachers and students decided to leave the school.  And I don’t blame them at all.  Things were not looking good.  Thankfully, we had an outpouring of donations from parents and friends in the community.  We were getting by…

Between January and April the teachers’ pay was usually late, but we got it.  That all changed with the April 30th paycheck.  We received 40% of our paychecks that week.  The remaining amount came in two installments: 31% the next week and the final 29% on May 12th (three days before our next paycheck).  We were told that the board did not know when they could pay us for the May 15th paycheck.  The teachers contacted the Department of Education to discuss student credits and graduation.  We found out that if we closed May 21st, all students would get their credits for the year.  The school would be put on probation for its accreditation for the next year.  The teachers collectively decided that we could not keep working for no money and made the recommendation to the board to close May 21st.

May 17th we held a board/parent meeting to discuss the issue.  After the recommendation was made, the decision was left up to the parents.  They choose to keep the school open with or without the teachers.  The teachers were given the impossible choice between leaving and collecting unemployment or staying and not getting any unemployment.  We didn’t have a choice and so we left that Friday.  For the last three weeks of school, parent volunteers ran everything, taking students on field trips and doing special projects.  We found out later that we could have “volunteered” and still get unemployment, but that came too late. 

The entire process was handled badly (although in the heat of the moment, I don’t know how we would have realistically changed things) and things became problematic for teachers, students, and the parents.  Comments were made and actions taken that created a bad taste in my mouth.  I had the difficult position of being the junior class sponsor (handling graduation reception) and being one of the main senior teachers. 

Graduation has come and gone… but things have not been resolved.  The school most likely won’t open next year (or if it does, it won’t be the same leadership or faculty) so I am officially unemployed.  We still have not been paid for those 3 weeks in May or our summer pay (we work 9 months, but the pay gets spread out over 12 months).  There are many discussions out there about what to do next.  Actions are being looked into…  All in all my connections to my former employer are over.

Throughout this entire epic failure, one thing has kept me going: my students.  When the issue first came out, the parents and students found out about everything from the Saturday newspaper.  Of course there was a lot of anger.  Some of us teachers suggested a time to meet with the students and discuss the issues.  Thankfully we were allowed private meetings with our sponsor classes.  The juniors and I had a great discussion and worked out a lot of issues.  From that point on, things were rough, but my students were always there for me.  They didn’t blame the teachers for anything that happened.  When the teachers made the decision to leave, the students again had meetings.  I was very honest and open with them about my decision.  Many times outsiders look at teens and just see the immature behavior.  When given a chance, they shine.  They are giving, caring, thoughtful adults from time to time.  Actually I think they are more giving, caring, and thoughtful than most adults I know.  The students gave the teachers a good send off.  I got a candlelit breakfast and a huge cake.  Some even helped me carry all those boxes of books to my car.  I love them… they are the ones that have helped me survive the transition.  They have been there for me in their crazy little ways: sending encouraging texts, being my friend on facebook, writing me little notes, or just giving me a hug when I see them out somewhere.

So where do I go from here…

Well for the rest of the summer I am going to spend time with my family and friends, even my students.  We have plans for midnight showings of movies and cookouts (I am  having our second one this Friday). 

In August, I will be moving to Nebraska to begin a new chapter in my life.  I plan on working out there a year, and then attending law school starting in the fall of 2011.  I don’t know my specialty  or area of study yet, but I have a few possibilities.

Never fear, I plan on keeping up with the blog.  Education is still a passion for me.  I love the idea of teaching and guiding students in their path to adulthood.  I don’t want to turn my back completely, but I definitely need a change after this year.

“Name three of the most deviant things you can think of.”

Multiple students: “Murder, incest, profanity..”

One particular student “pooping on flowers, cursing at your grandma, and having sex with a teacher.”

To which I stupidly replied: “Now that’s interesting, are we talking about a teacher and current student, a teacher and a teacher, or a teacher and a former student?   And to clarify, what ages are we discussing: high school or college?”

This led to a very weird conversation about sex and sex laws and what society accepts or does not accept. 

Sociology has to be the one class that we discuss the most random topics but they all fit into the chapters or topics I’m teaching about.  I allow many tangents and discussions that I am sure could get me fired.  We are not discussing sex for the cool factor or the “we are breaking the rules” factor, we discussed it in terms of the chapter “Deviance and Social Control.” 

After discussing the legality of sex with minors, we moved on to sex with teachers once the student graduates.  In society’s eyes that’s socially awkward, but not illegal.  Some may consider it to be deviant and others not so much.  I explained that after the age of 18, the illegal nature disappears, to which that particularstudent replied “Great I still have a chance with you.”

Now I know what you are thinking:  What is going on between those two?  But I swear it’s all innocent.  This student and a few others have made it a mission to try to make me uncomfortable and I have to say they have gotten crazier and crazier as the year had progressed and yet I am notuncomfortable.  They went a whole week calling me this particular student’s mom, but then decided that the Mrs. referred to me being his wife.  A few of my male and even some female students routinely tell me that they love me.  Crazy comments and the like.  And I take it as a sign that they do love me (in a big sister, mentor way) and accept the devotion. 

But this leads to an interesting discussion of sex, romantic relationships, teachers and students.  Where do we draw the line?  To be very clear, I would never even think of having sex with a current student (if nothing else it is illegal). What about former students or people who have graduated that you never taught, but were at your school or had your teacher friends in class?  Is that okay?

Another incident this week illustrated the confusion…  At the homecoming game I was sitting with three other female teachers.  A former student who graduated last year walked by and chatted with us for a minute.  Two of the teachers are new this year and after the student left one mentioned that he was cute ot which myself and the other older teacher replied “Eww No!”  To be fair this former studentis very cute, but he was a student.  I tend to view my students as part of my extended group of children.  I am like their mother or at least a big sister.   I had this particular student for two straight years in class and could not even see him as an eligible male. 

This is something that I am sure or at least hope am sure that elementary teachers never even think about, but for us young high school teachers it becomes an interesting question?  How young  is too young?  Currently I am about 10 years older than the seniors I teach.  If we go 10 years into the future all of a sudden we are still 10 years apart, but that does not seem to be a big deal.   I know many couples that are separated by 8 or 10 years in age.  So conceivably, I could date or even marry someone graduating this year.  Weird I know! 

The other piece to the confusion is the relationships.  I see all my students as my kids.  I have been at this school for three years and have seen students grow from little confused freshmen to fairly confident, dating, and driving juniors.  Every time I look at them I can see a picture of them as freshmen on the first day I met them.  I don’t think I will ever seen than as true sexual adults.  That’s gross!  They are innocent children needing to be protected.  So even if I ran into a student 10 years down the road, I don’t think I could ever see them as anything other that scared confused little freshmen begging me to help them grow and learn, even if they are really cute!

I guess I cannot blame people for falling for their teachers and/or students, but I could never do it.  Sex and the single teacher will stay sex and the single teacher with a partner of comparable age or at least not one that ever had anything to do with my school.  That’s just too weird!  Unfortunately that means I could never marry my one particular studnet and he’s going to be a bit upset.  But I think my age appropriate boyfriend will appreciate my stance on this topic.

Last week was Homecoming Week at my school and like many schools we decorate the hallways with a theme.  This year’s theme was the Olympics to which each high school class covered their hallway with depictions of the sports, pictures of athletes, mountains, and general icons of the event.  My sponsor class had the end hallway; the one hallway with an exit that  no one uses for anything.  Another exit is at farthest 20 feet away.  After decorating most of the hallway with flags and various Olympics paraphernalia, two of my guys decided that wanted to make a mountain with skiers coming out the doors.  I knew I couldn’t stop them, they are way to persistent, so I allowed their construction.

Backing up a bit, all day the seniors had been make disparaging comments about my juniors and generally being rude.  We have a pretty strong rivalry better the senior and junior classes at our school.  It seems a bit funny considering that they are 20 seniors and 16 juniors, but whatever they are teenagers and love competitions like this.  Overall I would say that the seniors are a bit more competitive and have been known to exhibit some unsportsmanlike behaviors on more than one occasion.  Or maybe I am just biased toward the juniors (I love those guys!). 

Anyway, after my guys began to construct the mountain, a few seniors came around the corner and yelled “You can’t do that, it’s a fire hazard.”  To which my guys replied “Duh!  We are going to take it down Monday morning.”  For my guys the joy was building the mountain not necessarily the finished project.  Every senior proceeded to make a comment about it as they walked by.  The juniors took it in stride and began to joke around about it.  Everyone that walked by was urged to tell the guys the mountain was a fire hazard.  This went on for about an hour and then a certain senior decided to take it a new level.  She proceeded to yell at the guys and tell them that it was a fire hazard (“really we didn’t know that”) and she was going to get us disqualified from the decorating contest from that.  At that point, I had to step in and basically tell her to shut up, but in a nice teacherly way.

We know about the regulations and the rules.  The guys wanted to have a little fun and I didn’t see the harm in any of it.  I have to say that the mountain was really cool when finished, complete with slalom flags, moguls, and little skiers.  And to their word, the guys took it down after the start of school Monday. 

Beyond the stupidity and crassness of the seniors, I wonder about the fire regulations.  At some point when my guys were told it was fire hazard they replied “You have to be pretty stupid if you could not break through the paper to get of the building.”  To which I silently replied, ”I totally agree, but I guess some peopleare just stupid.”  Sometimes I wonder if we haven’t gone a bit overboard with the rules and regulations.  I am all for have accessable exits from buildings in case of fire, but is it necessary to have two sets of doors 20 feet apart?  Have we become so complacent to the rules and regulations that in the event of a fire, we could not find an exit without the drills and someone directing us?  I seem to recall that after the initial 9/11 attack, those people in the World Trade Center found exits on their own and tried to make their way out of the buildings.  Of course many were blocked and that was a tragedy, but did they have monthly drills at the buildings?  I think not, I think the people understood the severity of things like fire and could think clearly in that disaster.  The fire department was late on the scene and in the meantime, people found their way out and helped others along the way.

So what if my students blocked an unnecessary exit for one night (a night when no one was at school).  Why don’t we stop worrying about all the rules and regulations and start helping people think for themselves?  This doesn’t just apply to this incident or even just to fires.  Why don’t we wake up and think for ourselves?  We might surprise ourselves with our hidden abilities and intellect.  Or maybe I’m wrong and we all need monthly fire drills to remember to exit the building when it’s on fire.

Our school, like many I have seen or heard about, has a no tolerance policy about electronic devices, specifically IPODs and cell phones.  I love the rule.  Students are here for school not to text to their friends or listen to music.  Oh sure when I was in school I was known to sneak my Discman (yes I am of that generation) and listen to a single CD throughout the day.  I realize that was not the way to approach the situation, but hey I was a teenager.  Taking my personal experience, I can see the lure of cell phones and music, but some days I want to take those devices and stomp on them.  Last week was one of those weeks.  

I have been known to catch my fair share of electronic devices, usually in the hallway.  Students try to be sneaky, but really it’s pretty obvious.  Staring at the floor off to the side of your desk or your arm in a coat or hoodie pocket just screams “Look at me I am doing something against the rules.”  To me all this just points to disrespect to the teachers, the school, other students, and even to themselves.  Intrinsic motivation for learning is not present when students focus on texting or listening to music. 

Having stated my position on the devices, I found myself in a dilemma the other day.  A student came up to me during study hall (do not even get me started on study halls, it was not my choice to supervise) and asked if he could listen to his IPOD.  Of course I said no, to which he asked the eternal question “Why?”  Much to my surprise, I did not have a good answer and so replied “Because.”  “Because”  is a ridiculous answer to any question and the student knew it.  He continued to ask why and I struggled with a good reason.  I had an answer if this occurred during U.S. history or Economics, but this was study hall.  Personally I know I study better with some light music in the background.  I sympathized with the student, but ultimately decided that I had to uphold the rule even if it was problematic. 

Where do we draw the line on these kinds of issues?  Blanket rules seem to cause problems, but so do degrees and uncertanty of rules.  How do we police the use of electronic devices that we know the students (and most of use teachers have) but still uphold the concepts of personal freedom and educational diversity? 

The art room has a open use of IPODs during class periods.  Every art teacher that I have known has discussed with me the benefits of having music on during class to jump start student creativity.  So if the art classes can listen to them, why can’t my study hall student listen to them?   I still cannot come up with a good answer to this conundrum, so for now I will just answer with “It’s a rule and I enforce the rules.”