Secret #88: Be esepcially respectful of the teacher and administration time and labor.

THANK YOU!!!!!  I love these secrets!

I see education as a team effort with students, teachers, administrators, and parents as the players.  We should all work together to encourage, correct, guide, and generally love the students.  Unfortunately, many parents have a strange perspective when it comes to teachers.  We are not here to attend to parents’ and students’ every request and demand.  Most teachers are trying to look out for the student’s best interests, but many times that’s not how it’s viewed.  The choices we have to make are sometimes hard to swallow.  We need to work together to make those hard choices easy to accept.

With respect to the other secret, teachers are not superhuman.  We do have responsibilities other than teaching.  We often have our own families.  Sometimes we even have spouses.  On rare occasions, we even have outside commitments (you know like church, volunteering, helping other family members).  And once in a blue moon, we do like to have a little time to relax.  But you wouldn’t know it by the way some parents and students (and even some administrators) treat us.  Our time is valuable, just like every one else.  I don’t mind being asked to help a student or support my school.  I do mind having my time wasted or monopolized by one family.

Education is a journey with many travelers.  The only way to be successful is to work together.

And so I start my new series with Secret #1: Interacting with kids by developing a solid strategy for success will almost guarantee college admissions.

Wow!  It’s such a new idea!  I can’t believe no one’s has every mentioned this before… Oh wait!  Everyone has, but I think it’s a good reminder.  Parents need to be involved in their child’s life.  They need to be there to help suggest, guide, correct.

I have seen first hand what can happen to kids when their parents help them and when they don’t.  I had many students who were self-starters.  They did everything asked of them.  They were responsible with their time and work.  But that’s not the majority of the students out there.  Most need a little prodding.  Many have never really thought about what they want to be when they grow up.  Sure, if you ask them, they’ll say something like “doctor” or “astronaut,” but most have not really thought about all the steps they need to take to get there.

That’s where parents can help.  Just the simple act of looking over class schedules and discussing which class to choose and why can make a huge impact.  I remember getting ready to enter high school.  The guidance counselors cam to my 8th grade English class to present the class offerings and suggest which ones to sign up for.  I knew I was expected to go to college.  I even knew what I wanted to be: a teacher.  So I listened to the counselors suggestions and then took the paper home with me.  When I got home, I showed it to my mom.  We sat down after dinner and went through all the offerings.  We decided what the best schedule was to get all my required classes, but also some interesting electives.  And there it was… a completed schedule for my freshman year.  But that’s not all, we also looked at the offerings for all four years.  We mapped out a tentative 4-year plan.  I choose what I wanted to focus on in high school while still in middle school.  We had a plan and we mostly stuck to it.  When February of my senior year rolled around, I was accepted to the two colleges I applied to.  I knew my plan, I followed through with my plan, and I got into college.

And I would have never done it without the guidance and support of my parents.  I think we need to remind parents of their duties.  It’s not just up to the student.  Parent effort goes a long way for the future success of a student.  I just wish every parent realized this…

Being a high school teacher, the only time I had parent volunteers for was for large scale extracurricular activities (like the musical).  I never once had a parent volunteer to help me in the classroom.  I never even thought to ask.  I had them under control.  The workload wasn’t enough to necessitate an extra pair of hands and a brain.  (Also why I never had a student helper.  I just didn’t have enough work to keep them busy). So for any insight into the topic, I needed to look elsewhere.  The perfect starting place — my children.

I had mentioned to his teacher that I was currently unemployed and would love to help anyway she needed.  A few weeks ago, she got back to me and welcomed my help three days a week for about an hour.  I arrived the first day.  The kids had been told I was coming to help them work on special skills and activities.  I was introduced to the class by my kid (BTW have your kid introduce you to someone else sometime.  It’s a hoot.  All he could say was “This is my mom. Her name’s Tobe. She takes us to the library a lot.”  That’s it.  What an introduction!). The teacher again explained that I would be working with individual students at the back of the class, so they needed to listen for their name to be called.

While they were working on a math sheet, the teacher and I chatted a bit.  She asked what I used to do.  When I talked about my teaching experience, I thought I say a look of relief cross her face.  She showed me what I was to be working on that day, math standards review, and how to record my findings.  The first day went well.  As I was leaving, she asked if I would be back.  Of course, next Thursday would be fine.  Again thought I saw a look of relief.

As the weeks have progressed I have gotten to know all 23 students in the class, their strengths, weaknesses, interests, quirks.  When I come into the classroom, they usually turn and smile, but continue with whatever they were doing.  I think I have integrated into the classroom fairly well.  The teacher I usually chat for a minute about the day or what I am going to be working on or who she wants me to focus on.  We exchange pleasantries and then I get to work.  In this case, I really think the teacher is grateful for my help and I don’t think I am upsetting any balance in classroom.

Two recent incidences have added more questions to my ideas about parent volunteers.

Last week was the Halloween Party.  The entire school has a costume parade around the building and the next door high school.  Then all the kids go back to their classrooms for a party of some kind.  The 2nd grade teachers had asked for parent volunteers to help with the party as well as bring in treats of various kinds.  Of course, I volunteered for the class that I have been working with.  I was the first parent to arrive on the day of the party.  I stood quietly to the side while the kids finished up their work and cleaned off their desks.  As the teacher began giving instructions, most parents started to arrive.  Throughout the costume changing, parade, and later party, the other parents kept deferring to me if the teacher was occupied.  I didn’t step up and take charge in the beginning, so I wondered why they were doing it.  Maybe it was my familiarity with the students (i.e. calling them by name, helping them into their costumes).  At any rate, I became the de facto parent leader.  The party was a great success, but was definitely odd to work with or lead other parents.  I’ve never been put in that position before.  Then I thought about how the teacher saw it.  During the game time, most of the parents sat at the back of the room and just watched.  The teacher asked me to help supervise a specific game, so I got directly involved.  I wondered if there were just other bodies in the room, or if there was a value to having the parents there.

The other incident is actually an ongoing occurrence.  A JA volunteer comes in once a week for 6 weeks to teach the students about community, business, government, and economics.  In college I taught JA to 2nd and 3rd graders as part of my volunteering hours.  I loved it!  I got to teach an age level that I knew I didn’t want to focus on for my degree and it gave me time in a classroom.  Anyway this particular JA volunteer is the mom of one of the students in the class.  And I have some major problems with her.  First, she sometimes comes and sometimes doesn’t.  The teacher warned me that she is not the most consistent volunteer she’s ever had.  Bad start.  Next, when teaching the lessons, it seems like she’s never prepared.  There’s a lot of dead time and confusion in her instructions.  Ever time, I sit at the back of the room working with a student and have to restrain myself from jumping in and explaining the directions to the students.  I get so impatient with her.  Then, she yells.  When she has to stop and take a minute to figure out the lesson or activity, the kids start to talk.  They’re 7, it’s what they do when giving dead air.  Instead of calmly getting them back on track, she yells at them.  To me, this behavior is way out of line.  The teacher should step in, but then again, this is a parent we are dealing with.  Finally, she acts like I am her personal assistant.  I am not there to help her, I am there to help specific students with a specific task.  She doesn’t even ask, just thrusts something at me to pass out.  I really dread JA days. I wonder if the teacher also dreads JA days.  At this point in our relationship, it would be inappropriate for me to ask, but I still wonder.

All of these experiences really make me wonder about parent volunteers.  What do teacher actually think about them?  Do they have a blanket ban?  An understood welcome?  A invite, but with restrictions or limits?  Maybe if we become better friends, I’ll ask my kid’s teacher.  Or maybe I should contact some of the elementary teachers from my former school, get their thoughts on the subject.  I definitely don’t want to overstep my boundaries, but I do like volunteering with students.  Maybe I will just have to watch my boundaries.  We’ll see how it goes.

Let’s start with parents…. What is our job in the education process?  Do we get involved? Do we let our kids sink or swim on their own? I have conflicting ideas of the role of parents.  As a parent, my instinct is to say that I want to be involved.  I want to know what and how my kids are doing in class.  However, my kids are starting to get old.  At some point they need to survive on their own.  Then what is my role?  Do I just sit back and let them take care of everything? Part of me hates giving up control.

On the other side of the coin, what do teachers want of parents?  (Author’s bias: I taught primarily high schoolers, so that’s who I base my ideas off of)  Parents should be limited in their involvement in day to day school business.  I have a great resentment to the so-called helicopter parents.  Do they trust teachers?  My opinion: no, they don’t.

At some point we, as a nation, need to let go.  We have to give over trust to the experts.  All the editorials and education plans I’ve read in the past year in some part blame teachers for problems.  Supposedly we have too many bad teachers.  If that’s the case, fine, get rid of the bad teachers.  But even if they did that and got “good” teachers into positions, parents who still not give over control and trust to them.  We, as a nation, are too used to the Burger King philosophy “Have it your way.”  Not everything can be personalized.  Education is in some respects generalized.  We need a standard, all students need to learn certain things, then we can get more personalized.  But that’s the kind of Burger King philosophy parents adhere to.  They don’t want what’s best for their child, but what they think they want.  It’s like ordering a Whopper with extra cheese, mayo, and extra meat… not what you should really be eating but what you want at the time.  Will that burger help you 30 years from now when you develop heart disease?  No it won’t, but we cannot deny ourselves.  It works the same way in education.  At some point we need to let go of control.

Teachers need to focus on teaching and parents need to focus on parenting at home, teaching their kids values, behavior, manners, and loving them.  Leave the reading, ‘riting, and ‘rithematic to teachers.

And don’t even get me started on nonexistent parents…

Now here’s the thing… if we ran our companies the way we run our schools, we’d all be in trouble. Despite inefficiencies in the system, American production per capita is one of the few things that is consistently still on top of international lists. Anybody familiar with the private sector understands the value of communication. Setting customer expectations. Understanding role expectations your boss has. Setting up matrix teams to solve “real-world” problems.

School administration: First and foremost, administrators need to set these expectations! I never once in over 20 years of school had an administration explicitly and concisely tell me what was expected of me or them. It doesn’t take more than a half-hour. Just sit down with your teachers, students and parents and quickly review what’s expected. The administration should be responsible for facilitating the communication between all parties; providing teachers with the resources and support necessary to accomplish their respective task (i.e., teach students); providing students and parents with a single point of contact for any contention beyond the scope of a teacher; etc. I think of school administrators as the producers. They provide the means. In the end, administrators have one task – set the stage so education can occur. It’s up to the teachers, students and parents to make it happen.

Teachers: If administrators are the producers, then teachers are the directors. They provide students with guidance, topics, tasks to practice, feedback, etc. Teachers need to be generalists. At least teachers need to have a broad background in any given topic (e.g., math, social science, etc.) and then be able to integrate that into other topics. Good teachers can leverage cross-talk between subjects to great advantage (more on this in future posts). It is not the teacher’s responsibility to make every student pass a test. Rather, the teacher is responsible for given the students the tools necessary to pass a test. The student is responsible for the results. So, teachers have one rather large task – guide students toward an education. It’s up to the parents and students to take the next step.

Parents: If administrators are producers and teachers are directors, then parents are the financial backers. They provide support for the students, but like any wise investor make sure everybody is on track. Parents are responsible for making sure students have the support network necessary for successfully reaching their individual education goals. They need to defer to the professionals (teachers and administrators) for specifics while helping keep their students on track. School administrators should regularly update parents on what is expected and those expectations should evolve over time. For instance, parents of first graders should be much more active in ensuring the students do their homework, receive additional assistance with rote memorization of spelling and math tables, etc. Parents of high school students should push responsibility of the grade back to the students. In other words, if a high school student fails a test, the parents should reemphasize the fact that it’s the student’s responsibility to study and seek assistance when necessary. It might seem a bit harsh, but we shouldn’t separate the “real world” from the “education world.” Doing so is a huge injustice to students. How many times does your boss tell you it’s alright you completely failed to do your job, because you forgot or didn’t understand the task and didn’t bother to ask for help? Better to learn the reality while still young and in an environment relatively forgiving like school. Parents have an ominous task – provide an evolving support network.

Students: Clearly the linchpin of the whole process, students are the actors. Students are ultimately responsible for acquiring the skills and education necessary to succeed in the world. In this case, I’m defining success as an ability to contribute more value to society than they consume. I’m not going to dive into the economic theory that would support this statement, but it does make sense… honest. Simply put, students need to show up and play the game. Education can only benefit the student if she recognizes the value and actively pursues it. Education should never be as simple as passing a test or getting a piece of paper. I have several pieces of paper from top tier universities… collecting dust in a closet. The paper doesn’t matter, it’s the education itself that has intrinsic value. Ultimately, students have the most difficult task – learn why and how to learn.

A wise man once said that showing up is 90% of success. We’ve certainly given good reason for that statement in education historically. I suggest it’s time to reevaluate the system and make participation 90% of success. Education is an interactive process, not passive. Just as marketers are slowly realizing that talking at people with advertisements isn’t nearly as successful as holding a conversation with customers; educators need to realize that talking at students isn’t nearly as productive as holding a conversation with all stakeholders – including parents and teachers. This can only occur when everybody involved understands their respective roles.

Next, making sure everybody stays on track and fulfills their roles. As in any organization, this boils down to incentives, empowerment and trust. None are easy to solve, but we’ll tackle them one at a time.

Now what, you may ask, has this to do with education?  Well, somedays I feel like all common decency and respect has disappeared.  My parents would have been mortified if a teacher told them I repeatedly left food crumbs and wrappers on the class floor and farted loudly and on purpose.  Those kinds of behaviors were not tolerated in my house.  I was raised with a high level of respect to the people around me and the environment I was in.  I certainly act differently if I in the comfort and privacy of my own house versus a public event.  I don’t want to sound like my grandma, but “kids these days don’t have any respect.”  I have had students seriously ask me why it was not appropriate to fart in the class (“But it’s a natural bodily function”)  or why they couldn’t leave their candy bar wrapper on the floor (“Isn’t that why we pay the janitors?”).  I am trying to teach my own children (twin 6 year olds) etiquette and common decency, but see none of it among the students in my classroom.  Have their parents  dropped the ball on respect and decency or has the culture moved beyond the simple “Please,” “Thank you,” and “Sorrys.”

In my mind, I shouldn’t be teaching common decency at the high school level.  I should be teaching students how to think, investigate, question, plan, imagine, wonder, revise… but somedays that gets pushed to the side so I can remind them that…

No “Johnny”  farting in public is not funny or appropriate when I am teaching!

Tobe